"Just because" kind of LOVE !

    Valentine’s Day was this past Monday & as always people were extra hyped, lovey dovey & excited all in the spirit of LOVE! From Twitter to Facebook people were posting pictures of the gifts they received & expressing the love they feel & have for their significant other.  There’s nothing wrong with getting “extra” love on Valentine’s Day but it got me thinking; why should Valentine’s Day be such an extra special day for love? Yes it’s sweet & nice to get roses, flowers, cards & chocolates from the one you love on Valentine’s Day but why can’t that be done a regular day? I think the “Just because” days are more romantic & meaningful than getting something that’s expected on a holiday. 

    The “Just because” days are the days your man or woman does something sweet & special for you simply because they wanted to & without expecting something in return like sex. It’s nice to get roses on a Tuesday just because, go home after you had the WORST day imaginable & your significant other without having any knowledge of how your day was has cooked you the most amazing dinner & prepared a bubble bath for you to enjoy afterwards just because or your significant other puts together a scavenger hunt for you to follow that leads to a magnificent surprise just because. I’m a big optimist so I refuse to believe that people like this, love like this doesn’t exist.  I want a “Just because” man because I’m a “Just because” woman. It goes both ways. I wouldn’t ask nor want anything out of a man that I could not offer him in return.

    I feel the “Just because” days keep the relationship romantic, exciting & fresh. People get so comfortable with “the usual” of their lives & day to day routines that can cause their relationship to become boring & possibly end in a breakup.  A friend of mine said on Facebook the other day “If you only get special attention, love & affection on Valentine’s Day then you obviously don’t know your worth.”  I couldn’t agree more.  You should know your worth & what you deserve & be with someone who sees & knows it as well.  Love is only a word that means nothing if it isn’t felt, shown, appreciated & above all REAL! Don’t let it be only on holidays you show & give your significant other love, do it every day “Just because”.

Oh you're a Good Woman ?

    “Men bashing” is a constant & the most popular conversation amongst women. You hear it all the time. “Girl Derek sorry no having a job ass is working my last nerve’, “I swear Reggie  is such an asshole, he thinks everything revolves around his cocky ho ass” or  “You know Kevin is making Kayla pay him alimony because she makes more than him. He aint shit nor a real man”.  The list goes on & on like the energizer bunny but one thing a majority of women always say & generalize is men are no good. Yes it’s true, there are a lot of men out there who are just straight up trifling & no good; however there’s also a lot of trifling no good women.  I find it baffling when a woman goes on a public rant about a guy she says is no good but she’s no better. It’s ridiculous & hypocritical because she can easily & quickly point & air out his faults & wrongs but won’t do the same for her own.  

    Most women will not & do not want to acknowledge that they are just as trifling & no good as the men the talk about. I don’t agree with the saying “A no good woman became that way because she dealt with a no good man”.  There’s a growing population of women who are like that all on their own. You can’t blame someone else for your actions & behavior. Period! Indeed, we all go through different situations & have dealt with men we shouldn’t have but at the end of the day how you come out of it & your mentality afterwards is all up to you. If you allow your past & present situations & circumstances to define you instead of propel you to do better, then you have succumb to a losing mentality & you’ll never be able to rise above them.  

    In society, it’s supposed to be that all women have a good heart, are caring, loving, and blah blah blah. Well if you didn’t already know, this is not the case. A lot of women today have taken on men tendencies, meaning, trying to have & play different men at the same time & using their seduction & manipulating ways to coerce them into doing & buying things for them.  These no good women are very conveying, manipulative, trifling, extremely seductive & heart breakers. They will do whatever is necessary & usually have “good game” to get their way with little or no concern for the other person & their feelings. You can’t tell them they’re wrong because they can come up with all types of excuses & stories to justify their actions. They’re wolves in sheep’s clothing. It seems that these no good women have ether forgotten or never knew what is to be & act like a truly classy lady. Dignity, self-respect, morals & integrity are all foreign attributes to these women. 

    Here’s another side to it, women say all the time they want a good man. They want this man to possess all these wonderful qualities & traits. However, you have to ask yourself, do you have the same wonderful qualities & traits that you expect & want out of him to offer in return? You can’t just take & not give especially in relationships.  A friend of mine said on Facebook the other day “You’re looking for Mr. Right while you’re still Ms. Wrong”.  You expect perfection in someone else but yet are mediocre yourself. 2 plus 2 does not equal to 10 so something isn’t adding up. We need to learn how to efficiently self-evaluate! Check Yourself! Correct Yourself!

Am I my "sister's keeper?

    Here’s an unspoken truth: Most men respect & are most loyal to their “brotherhood” than women are to their “sisterhood”. A female would betray her friend first before a man would betray his boy. A female would hate on, be jealous, talk about & envy her friend before a man would do any of this to his boy. I find it so sad yet fascinating in a weird way that women act this way towards one another today. Where does this mentality come from to instantly not like another woman because of how she looked at you or because she rubbed you the wrong way the first time you met her? Are women born this way? 

    “Sisterhood” seems to be a dying breed in this world today even amongst women who are blood sisters. It seems that most women just are not strong enough nor have enough security & self confidence in themselves to be able to uplift another woman. Most women don’t appear to be able to congratulate or give a compliment to another woman without a sarcastic remark or funny look. Why as women does it seem so hard to be sincerely happy for another woman? Why do we hate on each other so much & why is this a PHENOMENALLY big trend? Men are such better friends to each other than us women. Men will be there for their “brother”. Men will not gossip about, & judge their “brother” no way near as much as women do. Men are rarely in competition with each other as oppose to us women who try to compete with one another on a regular basis. Most men won’t care about what another man is capable of or is doing while women will be oh so concerned about another female & her actions.

    True friendships amongst women are rare to find. The ones who are there for you no matter what, support you in everything you do & are 100% loyal & true at all times. The saying goes “keep your friends close & your enemies even closer”. I think that should be reversed. You should keep your enemies close & your friends even closer because your friends are your blind spot. They can backstab you & betray you before you even see it coming. Women need to unite & empower one another, not tear down & try to destroy each other. We as women were made strong. Our bodies can give life & endure the tremendous pain that comes with the process of doing so. We can love & take care of our families all on our own. When we are in love, there's nothing we wouldn't do for our significant other. We are fighters & survivors! We all have a fire inside us that allows us to keep going despite what it looks like & the adversities we may face. We have “women’s intuition” which is considered our sixth sense that is a feeling we get or inner voice we use as guidance to know if something’s about to happen, something’s wrong or doesn’t feel right without a reason & before it even occurs.

    We are all unique & shouldn’t hate on one another just because one has certain qualities or looks better than the other. If you have been through something that you made it out of & you see another woman going through the same thing, tell her how you got over. Motivate & encourage her to keep going. Don’t talk about, laugh at & judge her. Help her! What she is going through today could be your own situation tomorrow. You have to be careful when you put your mouth on people. To be blunt, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH OF THE “CATTY” BULLSHIT! We will never fully grow as a people if we continuously knock each other down. That goes for all genders & races. Now I know some women might not like what I’m saying nor agree because they're probably one of the females that do the things I'm talking about but this is just my opinion on the matter.

    We women are divine creatures. Men would not last very long on this earth without us. James Brown said it best, “it’s a man’s world but it wouldn’t be nothing without a woman or a girl”. Let’s STEP IT UP, GROW UP & be our BEST to ourselves as well as EACH OTHER!

It's bad to have a "list" of what you want in a man?

     Last Sunday, I watched this show called What Chili Wants. It’s about Chili from the hit girl group TLC & her quest to find a man that can meet the requirements on her list of what she wants in her potential future husband. A few things off her list are he has to be good looking, physically fit, great “package”, loves & believes in God & can’t eat pork. Some people don’t see anything wrong with her list, while others say it’s too much & she’s looking for perfection. The question I pose is is it bad to have a "list" of what you want in a man?
      I have male friends who have specific preferences when it comes to women.  One only dates white women because he feels they’re not ghetto & they're drama free as oppose to us black women (whatever). Another one likes women in all flavors but she has to be a dime meaning body of a model. No chubbies allowed. The other one wants his woman to be educated, beautiful, doesn’t talk too much, cooks & cleans, is independent & has no kids. Now this is just the short version of what they want in a woman & they do not deal with any woman that doesn’t meet their criteria. Men have always had their list so why we women can’t have ours?  It seems when we start having a list of our own, we’re viewed as wanting too much or being high maintenance. 
    Most men never settle for just any woman that they plan to be in a real relationship with. Sure they will have their flings, side chicks & girlfriends but the one they marry is the one that they’re definitely sure about. You can’t make a man do anything he doesn’t want to which is why they are never in a rush to settle down. Men have their process & we as women need to have one as well. We are always the ones quick to settle & compromise to fit & adapt to a man’s ways.
     I always say women should treat a potential significant other like a job application, meaning if he can’t meet the requirements to fulfill the job then he can’t get it. Think about it, when you fill out a job application that job is looking for specific skills you possess that will help their company grow & be successful. They will not offer you the job if they feel you will not be an asset to the company. What’s wrong with having that same mentality when looking for a partner or in life period? When you know your worth & what you can bring to the table, you want someone who can match that or better. I have a list as well. Some of my wants off it are I want a man who is intelligent, funny, loves God & is God fearing, independent, hard working, has dreams, goals & a vision for his life that he works towards making his reality, respectful & intellectual.  My grandfather was an amazing man. He was everything on my list & more! If my future husband can have the qualities that my grandfather had then I will be all set. I don’t feel that my list is too extreme. I think it's realistic because somewhere there is that man for me.  I’m a wonderful woman & I know my worth. The man who will have me will be a blessed one. That’s not being conceited. That’s the truth. We all know somebody or a few people that should have had a "list" to go by before going into the relationship they're in now that they shouldn't be in. I say let "your list" be your guide.

New Year! New You?

We are six days into the New Year. 2K11 is here!  As usual when a New Year is upon us everyone makes New Year resolutions.  The most common ones are “I’m going to lose weight”, “I’m going to go back to school”, “I’m going to focus more of my time on me”, “I’m going to do all the things people said I couldn’t”, etc etc etc etc ! But probably the most popular of them all hands down is “I’m going to be a new me in the New Year”. The problem I have with people making New Year resolutions is that 90% of them don’t follow through with it.  They’re just blowing hot air & saying what sounds good. Actions speak louder than words so I don’t say much.  I always like to keep it simple. I thank God for bringing me through another year, my health & strength & thankful for my family & friends. When the New Year is on the horizon we all view it as a new beginning, a fresh start. But when you think about it, we get that opportunity everyday we’re able to open our eyes. For every new day is a new start, I never make resolutions. All I want is to continue to grow, become the best me possible day by day & for God to continue to guide my footsteps & direct my path. When you are a “new you” that means the “old you” has died & it’s impossible to go back to something once it’s dead. Think about, when a loved one dies you’re not able to go see them & talk them again. When you graduate high school or college, you can’t go back & do it all over again. When you break your phone & it will no longer turn on, you have to go & buy a new one. In declaring a “new you” there should no longer be old habits & ways occurring. You shouldn’t have the same mentality that you had last year. You shouldn’t dwell on the same problems & drama you had last year or previous years.  You shouldn’t be continuously wasting time & your life because neither is promised. Don’t allow your PAST to overtake your NOW! With a “new you” should bring a new outlook. YOU CAN’T GROW INTO YOUR FURTURE IF YOU’RE STILL STUMPED IN YOUR PAST.   It’s called MOVING FORWARD & LETTING GO! Now in the process of becoming a “new you”/ better you, you may lose some friends along the way. You won’t be as tight & cool with people as you once was. This is expected. Not everybody is going to be ready to change nor like change. Some are going to see nothing wrong with the way things are now. They may even look at you funny & talk about you because you switching up. Let them. You can’t concern, worry yourself nor try to convince them to do better. Don’t hold yourself back by trying to hold up someone else that isn’t willing to do it for themselves. Carry what you have to! Let go of what you don’t. Your time is NOW! Think on this, Yesterday is in your rear view mirror, Today is in your front & Tomorrow is your blind spot that’s why it isn’t promised. Go do you! The NEW YOU!

It's ok to be the "Other Woman" ?

Ladies since when has it become acceptable & a trend to allow yourself to be the other woman?  I always say if you’re not the only one then refuse to be the other one. Why allow yourself to be second? I was raised to do my best to be first in any & everything I do. I also don’t like to share so why would I share a man? Being the other woman has become way too popular amongst women. Most women who are the “other woman” view it as a rush or thrill. They’re turned on by it because of the old saying “people want what they can’t have” so it makes it more appealing. When you’re the other woman that means that you’re not the first. His first is the one he goes home to at the end of the day or next morning once he leaves your house. Think about it, once he leaves your bed, he’s going back to the bed he shares with his main woman or possibly another woman’s bed. He gives you some time & loving, then once he’s done he leaves & goes home. You’re then left alone while he’s with his wife & family or girlfriend. How is being in this type of situation acceptable? You’re cheating yourself out of being in a relationship with someone who is going to be with you & only you. Now some of you may say “Oh he tells me he’s in love with me & is going to leave her to be with me”, “He says he’s at his happiest when he’s with me” or  “Things are a little rough for him at home right now with his family so he wants to get things settled first before he leaves”. Its all BS excuses ladies. If the man is oh so in love with you & is at his happiest when he’s with you then he would be with just YOU! It’s just that simple. If the woman he has at home tolerates his mess & won’t leave him, then he’s not leaving her. Why would he? He gets to have his cake & eat it too. It’s all thanks to you because just like his woman at home deals with his promiscuous ways, so are you. You’re allowing yourself to be his second option & a man can only do what you ALLOW! Even if he was to leave his "main" woman for you, what makes you so sure he won't do to you what he did to her? It's called karma & it's no fun when it's knocking at your door. Always be a man’s ONE & ONLY. That’s the way it should be. Real & true love in a relationship is between two people, not three & up. Do better ladies, you deserve it.

Thanks Giving

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! As we all get ready to go eat & enjoy ourselves with our families & friends, I wanted to give you a quick food for thought. Somewhere right now at this very moment there is someone or a family who doesn’t have any food, a roof over their heads or even clothes on their backs. There are soldiers who are in war that can’t go home to their loved ones because they’re fighting for us & our freedom. There are people who are in the hospital battling a sickness. There are the elderly who are alone & feel forgotten because their family won’t take the time to go visit them. I say all this to say be thankful for the food you have to eat, the place you can go to called home, the clothes you have to wear, your health & strength & the family & friends who no matter how many disagreements & fights you all have had are there for you & love you no matter what. We need to learn to appreciate & be thankful for the people in our lives & the things we have not just today but everyday just in case it’s all gone tomorrow. We take for granted the simplest things that others who are less fortunate would cherish with all their heart. Remember to give as well because you could be the answer or have the answer to someone else’s pray. The word Thanksgiving says it all, give thanks & give. Enjoy today, be safe, be thankful & give!